How much should your man spend on the proposal ring?
Met up with my fellow investment friends yesterday for a casual dinner and the inevitable topic of my engagement popped up once more.
It so happened that I also decided to make another trip to the jeweller yesterday to fix the ring, as one of the smaller diamonds had dropped out despite infrequent usage (I usually wear our promise ring out instead because the engagement ring is too big and shiny – I'm afraid of attracting robbers!).
And we were then talking about how (contrary to what it looks like it is worth), my diamond ring did not cost my fiancé a bomb at all.
In fact, it cost him less than $500 for this pretty thing, and it made me veryveryvery happy.
"HUH why your boyfriend so cheapo?!"
"How can you allow him to propose to you with such a cheap ring? If I were you, I will reject!"
Those were some of the reactions some other girls had when they ask me about my ring (at events, meetings or rehearsals). The conversation usually starts with a "OMG your ring so pretty! Where did he get it and how much was it!"
Then their faces usually fall after I tell them the story. Eeps.
But before you judge, here's the backstory.
Earlier this year, N had already been hinting about wanting to get married soon. I then said to him on multiple occasions :
"Eh, don't waste money on a diamond proposal ring ah."
"Can you buy me gold instead? Or ruby? Sapphire? Topaz? At least buy me something that has resale value k."
"Ok if you really want to go for the cliche diamond proposal rings, then at least buy me a fake or man-made one can? Cos you know the diamond industry is all built on a web of marketing fluff right?"
It is true. Google De Beers and the diamond industry and you'll learn about how we were all led to believe and buy into diamonds being valuable.
You see, in the 1870s after large diamond mines were discovered, the mines’ major investors consolidated and formed De Beers. They recognised a key problem – due to diamonds having little intrinsic value, they needed to somehow make the public believe diamonds were valuable so that they would be willing to pay a premium price for it.
Thus began one of the most successful marketing campaigns of the 20th century – “a diamond is forever”. De Beers and its marketers managed to convince men all over the world that their love is measured by how much they spend on the diamond ring, while convincing women to expect love in the form of a diamond. They've made us want what we never even needed in the first place for a happy marriage.
Hands up if you were singing the song in your head when you read this.
Every proposal or engagement photo was almost inundated with a diamond ring, making us believe that the two associations were now inseparable.
And of course, the classic ad that started the incredible profit growth of the diamond industry.
I'm very practical – if something isn't worth the money, then don't buy it. Same reasoning goes to diamond rings.
Too many men feel pressured to buy their girlfriends a diamond ring (and the bigger, the better) and end up spending an average of $8k to $10k just to pop the question. They try to justify that it is worth it as long as their girls are happy.
Ladies, can we try to change that? Our men shouldn't feel like they need to "buy" our Yes"
I told N, I'm not that kind of girl. In fact, if I find out you spent anything more than $4k on the ring, I will be really mad 😡
Then one day my friend got engaged, and she shared a picture of her heart-shaped proposal ring, which her fiancé got it custom-made for her based on her dream design that she sketched off previously.
I chanced across this heart-shaped ring and told N, ooh I want this!
I didn't expect him to remember, and that's how my gorgeous heart ring came about.
I said yes not because the ring was pretty. I said yes because here was a man who loves me, who makes me feel happy and secure, and whom I would love to spend the rest of my life growing old with.
In fact, if he had proposed with a $10k ring, I would have rejected him on the spot and tell him to come back again when he sells off that ring and gets a cheaper, more value for money one. Seriously.
If the guys are still happy to blow 1 – 2 months of their salary on a shiny rock for their girl, go ahead. But if you're like me, and think it is silly to spend so much money on what is basically an accessory, there are better alternatives.
In fact, a smarter financial decision could be to buy a cheaper engagement ring (like zirconia) and invest that remaining $8,000 you originally planned to spend into an ETF with an annual return of 6% instead, as a gift for your would-be wife.
This is my Budget Babe formula to a happily ever after!
You may laugh, but I'm dead serious.
N and I have a plan to invest the rest of the money, and because the proposal ring wasn't too expensive, we have a little more money left to channel towards the wedding and make sure our guests have a good time.
But again, we don't see the point in spending TOO MUCH money on the wedding. Targeting to keep it under $22k now but our preliminary budget has busted to 30k, so I'm trying to rethink options.
📖"500 dollars. It’s a small diamond in a titanium setting. As a mechanical engineer I just happen to know what these things cost in terms of materials. It means a lot to me because my husband proposed to me the day after I graduated and had this incredible grin on his face like ‘I got you this ring made out of cool metal and you’re an engineer now’. It was the coolest idea and love that he thought of using titanium, a metal stronger than any ‘precious metal’ and a marvel of modern metallurgy"
💎 "My husband spent nearly $30,000 on my engagement ring and I know that only because we picked it out together. My friends comment on it a lot but I didn’t want it just because it’s a huge and timeless engagement ring. I work in a prestigious law firm and people absolutely would have judged me if I’d gotten anything cheaper. I actually think it might have hurt my career and if we were going to marry then he needed to understand that my career was around before he was.”
💌“I will never again tell anyone how much my engagement ring cost because the last time I told a group of friends a few of them all said shitty things like ‘you got screwed’ and ‘that’s cheap’. I basically picked it out and my husband wanted to spend way more so he’s not cheap. I just hate that some people can be so shallow about this one issue. I’m not friends with those two girls anymore, btw. No one gets to talk shit about the man I love. Dirt. Off. My. Shoulder.”
Was reading the above stories online and those 3 I thought would be good to share.
Girls and #dayrebrides , what do you think? How much should your man spend on the engagement ring?
